兩首風格不同，卻令我非常著迷、感觸良多的歌 — 《Vincent》 和《 千の風になって》，每次聽來都令我想起第一次接觸到時的心情。

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記得第一次聽《Vincent》時，就是 Don McLean 的版本，當下就愛上了。感覺就是表面上很寂靜，可是心底裡卻暗湧不斷。再細聽歌詞，就不其然悲從中來。尤其是這段: For they could not love you, but still your love was true. And when no hope was left in sight on that starry starry night, you took your life as lovers often do. But I could have told you, Vincent, this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you. 

那時正是2003年，自己的感情生活和工作都跌到最低點，非常不如意。心情糟透了，又不喜歡自己的工作；前途不明朗，小時候的人生目標和生存意義被受衝激，經常一個人胡思亂想，究竟做人為什麼呢? 那時候對《Vincent》裡的那段歌詞，簡直像著了魔似的 — this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you — 雖然我不是一個 beautiful person (both literally and metaphorically)， 但就會想︰Was this world never meant for someone like me?

不過想歸想，我沒有幹任何「傻事」。況且，那時候兔女王已經跟我一起住了。雖然平日的兔女王很「專橫跋扈」，不過當她發現我情緒低落時，卻永遠願意陪在我身邊安慰我，讓我找到絲絲暖意。

這麼負面的日子已離我遠去，我仍是很喜歡《Vincent》，只是，聽的頻率少多了；而且，縱然有人跟我說過覺得這歌很浪漫，我聽的時候，心裡還是有點揪著痛的感覺。

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至於《 千の風になって》(秋川雅史版本)，是較近期才聽到的。歌曲本身有種「清風送爽」的舒適暢快感覺，不過我的著眼點，還是歌詞。 日文歌詞我只看懂一半，可是已經覺得感動非常。特地在互聯網搜尋關於這首歌的資料，才驚覺原來這個就是由日本作家新井滿依根據 Mary Frye 的詩 《I am a thousand winds》改編而成的。小時候讀這首詩，只覺得「優美」，還有會想起聞一多的《也許》。相隔多年，卻有別的領悟。大概是經歷多了。

化成陽光與清風守護你。所以，請你不要哭，我並沒有離你而去。

《 千の風になって》，平靜、清爽、溫暖。能有這種感受，也是因為跟我最近的心境很貼近吧?

還有，我想把這首《 千の風になって》送給 Ruby。

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Don McLean's 《Vincent》

Starry starry night
paint your palette blue and grey
look out on a summer's day
with eyes that know the darkness in my soul
Shadows on the hills
sketch the trees and the daffodils
catch the breeze and the winter chills
in colors on the snowy linen land

And now I understand what you tried to say to me
how you suffered for your sanity
how you tried to set them free.
They would not listen
they did not know how
perhaps they'll listen now.

Starry starry night
flaming flo'rs that brightly blaze
swirling clouds in violet haze
reflect in Vincent's eyes of China blue
Colors changing hue
morning fields of amber grain
weathered faces lined in pain
are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand

And now I understand what you tried to say to me
how you suffered for your sanity
how you tried to set them free.
They would not listen
they did not know how
perhaps they'll listen now

For they could not love you
but still your love was true
and when no hope was left in sight on that starry starry night
You took your life as lovers often do
But I could have told you
Vincent
this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you

Starry starry night
portraits hung in empty halls
frameless heads on nameless walls
with eyes that watch the world and can't forget
Like the stranger that you've met
the ragged men in ragged clothes
the silver thorn of bloody rose
lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow

And now I think I know what you tried to say to me
how you suffered for your sanity
how you tried to set them free.
They would not listen
they're not list'ning still
perhaps they never will.

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《 千の風になって》

私のお墓の前で　泣かないでください
そこに私はいません　眠ってなんかいません
千の風に
千の風になって
あの大きな空を
吹きわたっています

秋には光になって　畑にふりそそぐ
冬はダイヤのように　きらめく雪になる
朝は鳥になって　あなたを目覚めさせる
夜は星になって　あなたを見守る

私のお墓の前で　泣かないでください
そこに私はいません　死んでなんかいません
千の風に
千の風になって
あの大きな空を
吹きわたっています

千の風に
千の風になって
あの大きな空を
吹きわたっています

あの大きな空を
吹きわたっています

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Mary Frye's 《I am a thousand winds》

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.